From: Camp Fletcher Management
To: Camp Maintenance Director
Re: Critter Cam
Dear Maintenance Department,
Thanks for forwarding the pictures captured by the wildlife camera I had you install outside the camp office. Yes, that raccoon was adorable. He was also a thief. The last picture clearly shows the raccoon walking off with a Reese’s Cup that had been weighing down that ash leaf with all the tiny handwriting on it. That treat had been left there just for me, so I’m very disappointed that camp maintenance seems unable to control the pilfering and kleptomaniacal wildlife roaming loose at the camp.
The question I have for you is how did that leaf and candy get there in the first place? In one image from the critter cam (as you so quaintly call it), there’s no leaf and no Reese’s Cup. In the next image (taken a split second later according to the time stamp on the image), both the leaf and treat are outside the office door. But no creature of any kind appears on either picture? Since leaves and candies can’t materialize out of nowhere, this seems to defy the laws of physics? Please explain.
Before you answer, don’t start up with your friendly elf theory again. I don’t care what you think you saw out of the corner of your eye by the archery range last Thursday, it should go without saying that elves do not exist. Whatever you saw or think you saw—it definitely wasn’t an elf.
Instead of trading in silly fables, I want some real answers about who has been leaving leafmail at my door. That wildlife camera was expensive, and all we have to show for it so far is a few pictures of a larcenous raccoon.
I expect immediate results. If you can’t provide them for me, I intend to find someone who can.
Have a nice day!
Greetings from Camp Fletcher,
Have you seen all that yellow dust? It’s everywhere right now. Just look at any car parked outside, and I bet you’ll see a coat of it covering the hood and doors and even the windows. What you’re seeing is pollen which is produced by trees and flowers waking up in the spring. All of this pollen makes the Camp Fletcher bees very happy because pollen is bee food. This time of year our bees think they’re at a never ending all-you-can-eat buffet. Pollen makes some of my human friends sneeze and their eyes water, though, so that’s not so much fun. Parents don’t always like to see a coat of yellow dust on their cars (even if they’re yellow cars), but this time of year as soon as a car is washed, the pollen comes right back.
Some of the animals at Camp Fletcher are grumpy right now. It all began when Peppy the Raccoon decided to borrow a trick from his beaver acquaintances and began building a dam on one of the small creeks at camp. Peppy is a clever raccoon, and he thought the dam would make it easier for him to catch crawfish and minnows and the other seafood snacks he likes.
Sandy the red eared slider is furious about Peppy’s dam. Water turtles use creeks like humans use roads, and Sandy doesn’t want to have to get out of the creek and go around Peppy’s dam every time she needs to travel upstream to have lunch with her cousins. The dam is still under construction but is already causing hurt feelings as the animals take sides. There’s a new moon tonight, so that means the Animal Council will hold their monthly meeting. I’m sure the great dam crisis will be the major topic at tonight’s council, and I’ll let you know what happens.
Talishia from McCalla sent a nice e-mail to my firstname.lastname@example.org e-mail address. Talisha wants to know why I always weigh down my leafmails with candy when I deliver them to the camp office door. It seems strange to her that I’m leaving treats for Camp Management when management doesn’t seem to like me very much.
Well you see, Talishia, people come in two flavors—sweet and sour. Sweet humans are so much nicer than sour ones, and frankly the human who calls themselves Camp Management could use a little sweetening up. I can’t tell if it’s working yet. I’ve been trying lots of different candies to see if some work better than others. I’m keeping very careful records on this. We elves are very scientific, and trying to adjust the sweet/sour ratio of Camp Management is just one of the many experiments I’m conducting.
Write again soon, Talishia. I’m glad your parents have signed you up to come to Camp Fletcher again this summer. I’ll see you when you get here, even if you might not see me.